The Red Light
Sohan ,Kabir and Angrez were doing equally well in their army career and were the most eligible bachelors in the unit. They all were after one gorgeous girl who was the daughter of a senior JCO and the JCO came to know the matter. He investigated the matter and took his daughter’s mind to know if she is interested in any one of them and his daughter like a good Indian girl said that she has no objection with any of them and would go ahead with whomsoever her Father chooses for her. Now the JCO was in a fix to select the best one out of them. He came to me and asked about their future prospects to study from their ACR point of view and I also told him that all are doing equally well in papers also. So after investigating them from all the angles he was still not able to decide whom should he choose. He then took a decision his way to conduct a final test for them. He detailed one NCO (A person lower in rank to him) to conduct a sprint run test of all the three and whosoever would come first would be the deserving groom.
The NCO called all three of them and told them that they have to undergo a test for their bright future was awaiting them and the test would be one of the major deciding factor for their selection to be a groom. They all were very happy and were ready for the test.
Next day in the late evening the NCO called and asked them to stand in one line next to each other and briefed them that whosoever on saying ‘GO’ sprints and touches that red light in front and returns first would be the winner. Saying this he said loudly, ‘GO’!
All three of them sprinted like a horse and Angrez singh was first amongst them giving a good lead to the other two followed by Kabir and Sohan. After some time while on the return journey kabir took the lead followed by Sohan and Angrez was not seen as was left far behind for reasons unknown. Finally Kabir won but Angrez was still not back. The NCO waited for some time but Angrez did not turn back still and it was getting dark. So thinking that Angrez must have lost interest after coming to know that he was left behind he would have given up his mind to continue in the race and must have gone to the market for some work, the NCO came back with the other two of them. He congratulated Kabir for his success. After having tea the NCO went to the JCO after about two hours to report the result to him. As he reached the JCO’s Mess and while he was talking to the JCO about the result, Angrez singh came huffing and puffing, sweating with all his clothes drenched, turban deformed and tired but filled with anger shouting at the NCO ,
“Oh! Kanjaraa! Too mainoon truck di light dikha ke pajha ditta tey dujeyyan noon duji light de magar pajha ditta. Main us truck da peechcha TCP tey 7 KM tak kitaa te hoon vaapis aa rihaa haan”
( You Scoundrel ! You made me run behind the truck by showing its red light and while to the other two you had shown the other light. I chased that truck till that Toll Check Post located 7 kms away and am coming back now”).
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
If I am deficient you are surplus
The extra sense
While selection process of the service selection board for selection of cadets in the army was going on the various aspirants for getting into army were being tested by the GTO(Group Testing officer) whose task was to check the performance of a candidate in a group. There was a candidate , Anil who was sharp and quick wit in replying. He would not let anyone go without being replied back even if he himself was at mistake as we had noticed in two days of our stay with him at Bangalore SSB . He was given a task by the GTO in which a tyre hung from the tree with a rope duly knotted at a reachable distance was to be separated from the tree for utilising it elsewhere in the task. The knot of the rope was very tight and hence was difficult to remove with the fingers of the hand so he used a small rod which was given in the task to open it and succeeded with some extra time. After the task finished the GTO while summarising the task in the end said facing Anil ,
”This knot of the rope could have been easily opened by burning as you were given a matchbox also in the task but you did not make use of it which proves that you lag one sense”
Anil asked him “Which sense?”
The GTO replied in front of all the candidates,” That is called common sense”
Anil felt bad as the matchbox given was wet and secondly it was his idea of exercising his mind the way he wanted to perform the task so as per his habit he immediately replied,
“Sir although I may be lagging one sense but you surely have one extra sense”
The GTO asked him curiously, ”What’s that?”
Anil replied showing him the wet matchbox which could not be made any use of,
“That is Non sense”
Obviously the result was as expected for him.
While selection process of the service selection board for selection of cadets in the army was going on the various aspirants for getting into army were being tested by the GTO(Group Testing officer) whose task was to check the performance of a candidate in a group. There was a candidate , Anil who was sharp and quick wit in replying. He would not let anyone go without being replied back even if he himself was at mistake as we had noticed in two days of our stay with him at Bangalore SSB . He was given a task by the GTO in which a tyre hung from the tree with a rope duly knotted at a reachable distance was to be separated from the tree for utilising it elsewhere in the task. The knot of the rope was very tight and hence was difficult to remove with the fingers of the hand so he used a small rod which was given in the task to open it and succeeded with some extra time. After the task finished the GTO while summarising the task in the end said facing Anil ,
”This knot of the rope could have been easily opened by burning as you were given a matchbox also in the task but you did not make use of it which proves that you lag one sense”
Anil asked him “Which sense?”
The GTO replied in front of all the candidates,” That is called common sense”
Anil felt bad as the matchbox given was wet and secondly it was his idea of exercising his mind the way he wanted to perform the task so as per his habit he immediately replied,
“Sir although I may be lagging one sense but you surely have one extra sense”
The GTO asked him curiously, ”What’s that?”
Anil replied showing him the wet matchbox which could not be made any use of,
“That is Non sense”
Obviously the result was as expected for him.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Absent minded
Defective Remote
I was watching an interesting programme ,’We the people’, which was being aired on the TV. Suddenly the lights went off but after a few minutes when the lights were back the TV did not start again. I checked all the connections and switched on the remote but still there was no effect on the TV. I tried several times by pressing the remote buttons facing the edge of the remote towards the TV sensor but all in vain. I inquired from my 9 year old son whether he had changed the batteries for his toy from the remote as he usually does when the toy battery goes down and replaces the remote with the weak battery of his toy. He said smilingly that he did not do any such a thing but he can help me in rectifying the remote within seconds as he knew what was wrong with it. I asked him to do it soon as I was curious to see the programme which I was missing out every second. He agreed to rectify it on the condition to get him another ‘Transformer toy’ which was his favourite to which I agreed instantly. He then quietly took away the mobile from my hand and handed over the remote to me which he was holding at his back and said,
”Done”.
Oh!--------- I said and smiled back at him.
All this time I was fondling with the mobile and not the remote. I wish I should have seen what I was operating.
Lesson for the day was,
“First see what you fondle and don’t jump to the conclusions”
I was watching an interesting programme ,’We the people’, which was being aired on the TV. Suddenly the lights went off but after a few minutes when the lights were back the TV did not start again. I checked all the connections and switched on the remote but still there was no effect on the TV. I tried several times by pressing the remote buttons facing the edge of the remote towards the TV sensor but all in vain. I inquired from my 9 year old son whether he had changed the batteries for his toy from the remote as he usually does when the toy battery goes down and replaces the remote with the weak battery of his toy. He said smilingly that he did not do any such a thing but he can help me in rectifying the remote within seconds as he knew what was wrong with it. I asked him to do it soon as I was curious to see the programme which I was missing out every second. He agreed to rectify it on the condition to get him another ‘Transformer toy’ which was his favourite to which I agreed instantly. He then quietly took away the mobile from my hand and handed over the remote to me which he was holding at his back and said,
”Done”.
Oh!--------- I said and smiled back at him.
All this time I was fondling with the mobile and not the remote. I wish I should have seen what I was operating.
Lesson for the day was,
“First see what you fondle and don’t jump to the conclusions”
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Big have to be intelligent
Hide and Seek
An ant and an elephant were playing ‘I Spy’ ( Remember Ice Bice as we called it in our childhood). First it was ants turn to find the hidden elephant which she found within no time due to the large size of the elephant. Now it was elephant’s turn to search for the hidden ant. He searched all around but could not locate her but as he was passing near the temple he called the hidden ant to come out of the temple saying that he has found her. The ant came out of the temple and asked him how did he found her so easily without even seeing her. The elephant replied,
“I saw your sandals outside the temple”
An ant and an elephant were playing ‘I Spy’ ( Remember Ice Bice as we called it in our childhood). First it was ants turn to find the hidden elephant which she found within no time due to the large size of the elephant. Now it was elephant’s turn to search for the hidden ant. He searched all around but could not locate her but as he was passing near the temple he called the hidden ant to come out of the temple saying that he has found her. The ant came out of the temple and asked him how did he found her so easily without even seeing her. The elephant replied,
“I saw your sandals outside the temple”
The love crush
The sweet slap
My friend Vipin who is now a Psychiatrist and a businessman at Delhi was my classmate in class XI and XII at KV Halwara. I have yet to see a person more brainy than him . He was very intelligent, had a photographic memory with high degree of understanding as he could grasp the subject just by one reading and without making any notes. He was like a scientist in his appearance who generally did not look after his dress up as used to have uncombed hair and always appeared as if he has just got up from sleep. We had a physics teacher who was in her mid thirtees having a very attractive figure which made her class more interesting inspite of her loud and hoarse voice. Not only this she used to work hard and read the physics book more like an English book and used to copy the derivations from the book . If the answers did not match with those at the end of the book she would resort to reverse engineering and make the answer tally by force or used to close the question saying that the difference is only of two zeros thereby jumping to the next question. Vipin used to solve it in seconds and then used to watch her with his X ray eyes which peeped right through her filmy clothes at every angle from top to bottom. When she used to ask a question from him he used to answer it wrong intentionally to annoy her. I used to wonder why he does that as he definitely was not a sadist, but failed to understand every time. Finally one fine day she asked,
” Who all have not done their homework kindly stand up?”
Vipin stood up instantly. She was real furious . She came near him ,slapped on his face one ,two and then three times consecutively taking out all her accumulated anger on him. After that when we came out of the class I asked him ,as to what is he upto ? He was very happy and with a red blushed face replied ,
” I was waiting for this day, I am so happy that my plan has at last given the results.”
“What result?” I asked him amazingly
“I loved the feeling of her touch .It was this touch of her hands for which I was waiting for since long ” he replied.
“Oh my God you are a great Ashiq rather Aashiqon ke Aashiq “ ( You are greatest of the great Romeos) and I congratulated him for his success.
Plan your work
Work your plan
Was the lesson of the day.
My friend Vipin who is now a Psychiatrist and a businessman at Delhi was my classmate in class XI and XII at KV Halwara. I have yet to see a person more brainy than him . He was very intelligent, had a photographic memory with high degree of understanding as he could grasp the subject just by one reading and without making any notes. He was like a scientist in his appearance who generally did not look after his dress up as used to have uncombed hair and always appeared as if he has just got up from sleep. We had a physics teacher who was in her mid thirtees having a very attractive figure which made her class more interesting inspite of her loud and hoarse voice. Not only this she used to work hard and read the physics book more like an English book and used to copy the derivations from the book . If the answers did not match with those at the end of the book she would resort to reverse engineering and make the answer tally by force or used to close the question saying that the difference is only of two zeros thereby jumping to the next question. Vipin used to solve it in seconds and then used to watch her with his X ray eyes which peeped right through her filmy clothes at every angle from top to bottom. When she used to ask a question from him he used to answer it wrong intentionally to annoy her. I used to wonder why he does that as he definitely was not a sadist, but failed to understand every time. Finally one fine day she asked,
” Who all have not done their homework kindly stand up?”
Vipin stood up instantly. She was real furious . She came near him ,slapped on his face one ,two and then three times consecutively taking out all her accumulated anger on him. After that when we came out of the class I asked him ,as to what is he upto ? He was very happy and with a red blushed face replied ,
” I was waiting for this day, I am so happy that my plan has at last given the results.”
“What result?” I asked him amazingly
“I loved the feeling of her touch .It was this touch of her hands for which I was waiting for since long ” he replied.
“Oh my God you are a great Ashiq rather Aashiqon ke Aashiq “ ( You are greatest of the great Romeos) and I congratulated him for his success.
Plan your work
Work your plan
Was the lesson of the day.
All that glitters is not gold
Tiger
We were doing our annual bridging camp at Akhnur in which the units practice how to make bridges by applying the methods learnt in theory on ground and the camp has to be established in a location near a river hence the tents were pitched up and so were the various offices of every commander from the CO(commanding officer) to the various others down the chain. The offices were coded as Tiger for the CO, lamb for the Second in Command and Lion for the Adjutant in one line. A civilian contractor was being hauled up by the CO for the delay in provision of the supplies of unit stationery but he was trying to make him understand that there had been strike so the supply could not be received in time and the delay was beyond his control but the CO was not ready to accept it. He finally came out dissatisfied with a totally switched off mood. Looking at the board where it was displayed TIGER he said,
”Bahar to Tiger likha hua hai aur under to Gadha baithaa hai”(Although it has been displayed Tiger outside but there is a Donkey sitting inside).
We were doing our annual bridging camp at Akhnur in which the units practice how to make bridges by applying the methods learnt in theory on ground and the camp has to be established in a location near a river hence the tents were pitched up and so were the various offices of every commander from the CO(commanding officer) to the various others down the chain. The offices were coded as Tiger for the CO, lamb for the Second in Command and Lion for the Adjutant in one line. A civilian contractor was being hauled up by the CO for the delay in provision of the supplies of unit stationery but he was trying to make him understand that there had been strike so the supply could not be received in time and the delay was beyond his control but the CO was not ready to accept it. He finally came out dissatisfied with a totally switched off mood. Looking at the board where it was displayed TIGER he said,
”Bahar to Tiger likha hua hai aur under to Gadha baithaa hai”(Although it has been displayed Tiger outside but there is a Donkey sitting inside).
Lets Land
The defective aircraft
I was going from Hyderabad to Delhi in an army aircraft, (Russian AN 32) which was carrying only about 10 passengers who were sitting at the rear end. The mid portion of the aircraft was loaded with a heavy machinery of some other aircraft properly tied with strings so that it does not slide during landing/taking off. The aircraft flew smoothly except at places of turbulence where it jerked shaking all of us. Soon we were to land at Delhi and were on its outskirts. We got a message from the pilot to come and assemble near him. Having a tendency to think worst by the behaviour of the aircraft we at once clustered ourselves near the pilot to have the suspence revealed by him. He however kept quiet and the aircraft landed safely finally coming to halt. We then asked the pilot why he had called us near him. He replied,
“The weight at the rear was more due to the heavy machinery loaded as a result of which the nose of the aircraft was not going down so to dip it I had called all of you to serve as counterweight as a result of which we landed. Thanks !
“You mean to say we would have reached in space if the nose did not behave, “Said one of us as probably with his logic.
I was going from Hyderabad to Delhi in an army aircraft, (Russian AN 32) which was carrying only about 10 passengers who were sitting at the rear end. The mid portion of the aircraft was loaded with a heavy machinery of some other aircraft properly tied with strings so that it does not slide during landing/taking off. The aircraft flew smoothly except at places of turbulence where it jerked shaking all of us. Soon we were to land at Delhi and were on its outskirts. We got a message from the pilot to come and assemble near him. Having a tendency to think worst by the behaviour of the aircraft we at once clustered ourselves near the pilot to have the suspence revealed by him. He however kept quiet and the aircraft landed safely finally coming to halt. We then asked the pilot why he had called us near him. He replied,
“The weight at the rear was more due to the heavy machinery loaded as a result of which the nose of the aircraft was not going down so to dip it I had called all of you to serve as counterweight as a result of which we landed. Thanks !
“You mean to say we would have reached in space if the nose did not behave, “Said one of us as probably with his logic.
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