The Modified LMG (Humour in Uniform)

I was sent along with my company to an important location in Kashmir to build some shelters. My Commanding Officer(CO) desired to visit that place for inspecting the progress of works. He arrived  on the appointed day and was satisfied.  After lunch he prepared for his return and was waiting in his gypsy vehicle for the QRT(Quick Reaction Team) to arrive which was to accompany him for his security. The QRT got a bit delayed due to the lengthy issue procedure of weapons in the Kot which was overcrowded since there were many officers who were to go on different axis. The movement without a QRT was not permitted even if you have to get a few grams of nails for the shelters. Each QRT was to preferably have a LMG(Light Machine Gun) mounted on it. Unfortunately the QRT could not get LMG at short notice that day.

When the QRT arrived the CO got angry on not noticing the LMG mounted on the top of ALS(light truck) vehicle while sitting in his Gypsy. So he told me,

”Please get the LMG and let me see how fast you can get it”

Seeing his mood I ordered the CHM(Company Havildar Major) accordingly to get the LMG saying that the CO wants to see the quick reaction of the men in getting the LMG from the kot.

Everybody swung into action and in about 5 minutes time I got the report that the LMG is mounted and they are ready for move. I reported the same to him and the CO smiled saying,

“Good! That is how it should be” and they went away along with the QRT .

When the QRT returned after leaving the CO at his destination I called the CHM and asked how did they react so fast and got the LMG fixed within 5 minutes.

“Oh Sahib! Hum bhi aapki position samajhtey hain. Yeh koi jaadu thodi hi hai ki 5 min mein hum LMG kot se laa kar fit kar dengey. Agar hum yeh sab kartey to kam se kam aadha ghanta lag jata jisse CO sahib naraj ho jatey aur hum sab ka mood bhi kharab hota” (Sir! We understand your position. This is not a magic that we would have brought and fixed the LMG within 5 minutes. If we did what all was asked to do it would have taken minimum half an hour and the CO would have got infuriated by then which would have spoiled the mood of all of us.)

“Then what did you do ?”I asked him

Arey Sahib! Hum ne rifle ko ulta karkey magazine ko aasman ki taraf kar diya aur woh LMG ban gayee ( Oh Sir! We reversed the rifle by turning it upside down so that its magazine faced the sky). 

(The LMG has its magazine facing the sky while the normal rifle has it facing the ground.)

“Thank God! the CO was short sighted as he did not notice it and went back happily” I thanked my stars.